Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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