Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
