I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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