no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
