Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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