I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
