i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
