In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
