Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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