I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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