There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
