you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
