**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
