Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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