She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize