It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sarcasm needs its own font
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
