It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
