I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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