i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
