you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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