Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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