The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
