Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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