I wish I only lived at night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
