If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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