Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
