all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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