benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize