Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
