I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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