i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
