I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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