Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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