Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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