and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
