definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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