Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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