remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
