Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
