I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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