I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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