I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My liver just broke up with me...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
