All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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