So drunk its hurt
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
