You can't motorboat a personality
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
