every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
