I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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