We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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