I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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