I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am mentally ready for anal.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
