I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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