you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
