Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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