the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
