we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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