If i come over, it means nothing
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
