What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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