I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
