JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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