is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
