You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
