So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
