We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
